Starting Over, and Over and Over...

Coaching Adults with ADHD can be a pretty weird job, when I have ADHD myself. I am often only too familiar with the struggles and challenges my clients discuss, they may manage certain aspects of their ADHD far better than me and employ approaches and strategies that I have not mastered myself. Sometimes it is a wonder that we both turn up at the right time and place for a session! I do know however that if I did not have ADD myself, coaching ADHD adults effectively would be difficult, if not impossible. The reasons that we struggle are so subtle and complex that if my mind was not very similar to my clients, it would be extremely hard to connect with their issues and see viable strategies. This is why so much conventional advice, coaching and therapy fails, it misses the subtle yet critical nuances of ADHD. One such effect is how we lose habits, interests and passions, sometimes gradually, sometimes from distractions, sometimes because of loss of sustained interest and sometimes from the "instant boredom effect".

"Normal" support or advice will often mistakenly focus on motivating someone with ADHD - for the short term: to exercise each morning, get to bed before midnight, complete our tax returns or tidy our office. Conventional wisdom sees this as "job over" once we start a task, that the problem is solved and so we can move on to consider our next objective. However with ADHD life is never that simple, there is a frustrating, annoying, slippery and often completely inexplicable problem, we just stop doing things. We lose interest in jogging, we forget to go to bed, our office becomes a disaster zone again. Sometimes even more astonishingly than this, we may even lose all interest in a task, hobby or habit that we have enjoyed or have been happy with for days, weeks or even years previously. At times in my past I have loved reading about a particular subject only to find one day that it is that last thing I would wish to do again, my interest in photography suddenly disappeared overnight, a favourite holiday destination became a bore. Many of my clients too, find that boredom or disinterest can unexpectedly set in, what they once found stimulating and fascinating can swiftly become mundane and tiresome - for no logical or understandable reason.

Whatever the reason though, it happens. People with ADHD stop doing things that are beneficial to them! So how do we best handle this issue? Accept it. Accept that our interests will vary, that our lives will be full of change. So change the routine, get support, increase stimulation and consider rewards. While you brush your teeth play music, dance, brush with a friend, compose your to-do list and buy yourself a nice book at the end of the week as a reward for seven straight days brushing!! Consider alternative ways to achieve the same end results. We can cycle rather than jog, find a new hobby to replace photography and research & discover exciting new holiday destinations. ADHD lives are full of change and variety, so embrace this. Expect to be always starting over and over. It can be hard work, it can be stressful but it is far preferable to being stuck in a boring rut or beating yourself up for failing at a task. So when you start a new task or routine accept that at some point you will become bored with it, explain this to your partner and others, and when you do stop for whatever reason, make sure you seek an alternative approach and start over...